My darling girl,
I have struggled with what to write to you next. I have felt that my letters so far have discussed alot of of my more challenging thoughts. I wanted to share with you a letter of light heartedness this time. I want to share my happy thoughts that in fact consume me more than the dreary ones. Before we dive in baby girl, I cannot emphasize enough that you are not defined by CF. There are not enough words on this earth for me to share with you all of the wonderful things you are but I do know that you are SO much more.
I have been saying the phrase "choosing joy" for a while now. When things started getting difficult for me the last few years, this is something I would say to myself to be reminded of all the things that I am thankful for and the things that bring me joy. I am so lucky to have you on the very top of that list these days.
You have started smiling recently. I mean really smiling - it is purposeful and oh so sweet. I think you just might have the best smile in the whole world. Every little crooked turn your lips make to form the most beautiful scene I have ever seen. How intentional our Lords hands are to create such a beautiful smile. When I get in a funky mood, it is that smile that brings me full euphoria. Your smile is so much more than a smile baby girl. For me, that smile of yours wipes away all negativity, anxiety, and gives me pause for just a moment. It is a reminder to be present with you. In that split second, I forget all the things I have been overanalyzing and you are all I see. I want to sit and soak in every second of that sweet delicate little smile. I want to bask in the light of this all encompassing feeling. It is here in these moments that I beleive everything is all as it should be - that you are happy, you are safe and you are loved beyond measure. But more than all of this, is that your smile provides me respite. One day, I hope that you will know eactly what I mean when you are gazing down at your own child showing off their beaming smile. I pray you grow up knowing how powerful your grin is in this world - I truly believe it will move mountains and draw others to you. G, your smile is one of my most favorite things about you.
In fact, I was at work the other night and I caught myself pulling up your cutie pictures on my phone and I began grinning from ear to ear and even let out a little giggle. This got me thinking about this letter to you and what I wanted it to be about; what I wanted it to leave you feeling. I want this letter today to speak to you of all the joy we have experienced since you have come into our lives. May you feel all the joy reading this letter that we do when we spend time with you! I want this letter today to share in all the things you are learning and how much fun we are having watching you grow and develop! Because Georgia girl more than the days where we find ourselves worried are the days where we are filled with so much love and bliss and delight because you are our daughter!! May you always know how much you are loved and cherished and that each day despite what may come was a day where we went to bed thinking "I don't think we could love her any more than today"...and then we woke up and discovered we were wrong yet again.
I often sit and think about how bizarre it is to me at how much love fills my body and soul when I think of you. I mean it truly is incomprehensible - I have never experienced a love like this one. So many people told me throughout my pregnancy.. "just wait, you can never comprehend the love you will have for your children" and I always believed them but to experience it is a whole new ball game. Your pure existence is hard for me to fathom, let alone that God chose me to be your mom. He chose me to raise you and provide you with this immense and untouchable love. He instilled that love in me to give to you. This whole letter today is a love letter to you and a written expression of some of the things we love most about you and in these words as I am typing I am reminded of the bigger picture. How in this letter I have the opportunity to not only share the love we have for you as your parents but also the love that our God has for you! I have the hardest time wrapping my mind around the thought of someone else being able to love you more than me or your dad do. But I am here to tell you there is someone else who does! And with that thought I can only think of how lucky we all are to know this kind of love and how insane it is to know that HE loves us more. Scripture says that God's love is unconditional and everlasting. Romans 8 says that "nothing will be able to seperate us from the love of God" and 1 John says "see what kind of love the father has for us, that we should be called children of God". Georgia it is one of my prayers for you to feel your dad and I's love for you so overwhelmingly each and every day - and when you do, I want you to be reminded that God's love for you is even more than that. So much more.