Happy New Year Georgia Ryan!
I'm going to be honest with you baby girl, I am not one who has ever been good at New Years resolutions. I always set my goals way too high and then feel defeated when I dont accomplish them and I find that the goal itself wasnt realistic. There tends to be a feeling of dread for me when I am thinking over the ending year and trying to come up with a resolution for the next. So at the end of this 2021 year as I look back at all it encompassed, I am filled with sadness over our losses but also with complete joy and thrill over its beginnings. This year brought me you. No obstacle from this year can compare to the absolute elation I feel when I think about the gift I have received in you.
With that in mind little G, trying to come up with a goal or resolution for this coming 2022 year has my brain in a fog. Given the last few weeks you have endured and the hits that our family has taken has made me bitter. Thats the honest truth. Which makes it awfully hard to make a promise for better things to come in the new year.
All these thoughts were swarming around me as I took a shower tonight - I am finding that showers are very enlightening, ha! Anywho - I processed these feelings of resentment out loud as I had half of the shower curtain pulled back so I could visibly see you as I tried to physically scrub the pessimism I was feeling away with a loofa and some soap. I am not quite sure how you do it, Georiga, but you have a way of making my spirit change; a way to twist my mood towards optimism. Your sole being makes me joyous and all it takes is a look from you - not a definitive look but simply an understanding that you are from me and I am a part of you. This realization is profound and I dont think I will ever get over the gravity of that.
As I talked my thoughts aloud to you through the break in the shower curtain, I began to think about God's humor and how He must be laughing at me in this moment. The way a father laughs at his child when they have finally pieced together the lesson they have been trying to teach them - yet in the midst of laughter a feeling of pride that their child has truly understood the message. It's all funny because I have been praying for these feelings of "its not fair" to go away in this new year. How silly of me to think that one day I would just wake up and not feel spite and contempt any longer. Instead, my girl, God has given me you! It is here that I realized, He has blatantly put you in front of my face and said "Look at your child, Maci" "Look what I have given you". When I had this thought, I looked at you lying there swaddled up and your big bright eyes locked with mine. Tears. He was right (as He always is). There you are, right in front of me - my why; my reason. Instead of removing these negative feelings I am battling on cue, the Lord gave me you to remind me why I should choose joy instead of despair as I make my impression on this coming year. He knew I often lack motivation to stick to my New Years resolutions so He provided me with a constant reason. He knew during all of these challenges we would face during this year and those to come that I needed a tangible incentive - and here you are.
So I think it is fitting for our resolution for year 2022 is to be consistent. I know this isn't a jaw dropping goal that will shake the world but it is a realistic one. I figured I should start there at the very least.
I choose consitency this year. Every day I wake up, every moment I look to you Georgia I am reminded of the reason behind my drive for consistency. This new year we will show up and fight each day. My girl, you give me a reason to strive for hope and positivity in a world that is every changing and scary. So for every day that you show up, so will I. And when its all too much and you dont, I still will. I am learning sweet girl that just maybe God gave me you to prompt me to make small strides every day; that it doesnt take a monumental goal to make a difference or to make a change - all we have to do is to steadily show up; to be there. He knew that I could do that for you and that is what I will do. Because one thing I know for sure is that I will consistently choose you, over and over and over. You will not go through one day alone, ever.
Georgia, lets tackle 2022 together as a family. Along with your dad, I cant see why we couldnt take on all of these day ahead with the intention to consistently be positive, to consistently overcome, and to consistently encourage.
Oh thank you Lord for my why. We are ready for this new year. A new year full of hope and possibility of things to come.
We love you sweetheart!
Mom + Dad