Our Dearest Georgia,
December 25th 2021 is our first Christmas together as a family of three. Your dad and I so desperately prayed for you and specifically for the moment we would get to celebrate this day with you. Christmas season is often accompanied by the feelings of hope, cheer, joy and a sensation of closeness to those around you; love. We envisoned that we would get to wrap you up just like the presents under the tree and snuggle you by the fire as we looked down at you in awe - our answered prayer. Tears in my eyes as I write this, I want you to know that even though this first Christmas together did not look at all like the scene described that we still looked at you in awe as we praised God for the gift you are to us. Sweet girl, this first Christmas you are sick. Your dad and I have dreaded the day we would spend our time with you inside the four walls of a hospital room. Ever since we found out that you would have a continued battle with cystic fibrosis, we have grieved what all of these family moments we had initially envisoned would look like. Georgia baby, we are learning to envison different moments so please forgive us when we are a little sad. This Christmas we are sad - we are sad that you are struggling to breathe, we are sad that your tiny little body is tired, we are sad that instead of seeing you smile as you sleep peacefully that we are doing our best to comfort your cries as you are put through testing, we are sad that we are away from family who so badly wanted to spend this day with you, we are sad at our helplessness, we are sad that we couldnt do better by you. It is difficult to describe to you my girl how deeply you are loved and how that makes it so much harder to watch you struggle. Our hearts break in half when you cry out. We want to protect you with everything we have and we have this pure desperation to scoop you up in our arms and escape all of this chaos. We have a burning desire to take this all away from you. We feel an immense guilt that our genetics were predispositioned to put you in this position; even if it was unknowingly. Between the tears, the worry, the guilt, and the fear we cannot help but look at your face with your big beautiful eyes and rounded pink cheeks and feel so blessed to be your parents. That despite all of these challenges in your present and future days, you are worth every single second. You, our sweet girl, are our greatest Christmas gift.
During your hospital stay, your dad offered to sit at your bedside with you as I went to take a shower. As I tried to wash off the all the heaviness I was feeling, I began to sob and to pray. Water runs over me as the Lord speaks His words to me. I hear Him say, "I chose her for you." I was comforted in this moment and was provided a peace without explanation. Altough I remained sad at our current situation, I knew that there is a lesson to be learned here. I knew in this moment that the Lord has chosen me and Logan to be your parents for a reason. I knew that He created you with us in mind. I knew that when he created you, he created you for this moment. I heard him remind me again, " I chose her to remind you of my faithfullness. I chose her to show this world a spirit that is strong as a Lion in the midst of turmoil. I chose her to show others what a heart for Jesus looks like. I chose her to be HERE." Georgia as much as we hate this discomfort for you and we certaintly have grieved our "standards", how can we argue with the purpose of the Lord? How can we challenge his plan for you; for us? As your mom and dad we have promised God that we would lead by example; that we would raise you in a home that loves the Lord. I promised Him this as I prayed for you for days, weeks, and months. I intend on keeping that promise. And with that said, I want you to know G, that in every peak and in every valley the Lord has provided and He will never let us down. He is faithful through every generation and every step of the way, so why would he fail us now? My dear, he wont. He never will. So my girl, when the time comes where you want to grieve, jsut like your dad and I have this Christmas, remember these lessons. We know that there was a reason that we had to learn them - we believe that we needed to learn them before we could teach you; before we could lead you. The irony in all of this is that we could have never learned these lessons to teach you, if it wasnt for you. How intricate the Lords plan is to use your challenges and apparent resilience to teach us lessons in order to best propel you towards Him.
Our baby girl, we are in awe of you. We are proud of you. We are priveldged to be your parents. And goodness Georgia, we are thrilled to have been taught by you. We look forward to continue being taught by you throughout your life. We've got this; all of us - not every season will be filled with grief but when it is, thank you for being our source of light, hope, cheer and joy just like the Christmas season was intended.
Merry Christmas baby girl. We love you beyond measure.
Mom + Dad